Greetings aspiring Brand Ambassador, and welcome to your future!
At PUPTHEBAND Inc., we’re a family. A corporate family. Full of love. Corporate love. And like the totally benign ‘parent’ that PUPTHEBAND Inc. is, we love all of our children the same. No strings attached. We promise. No matter how much ‘investment’ you pump into our brand new ‘business opportunity’. Exactly the same. There is no favoritism. Zero. Perfectly equal amounts of love for everyone in our family no matter how hard they work to sell our products. And as a new member of this family, you’ll be on the front lines, fighting the good fight, sharing our vision. A vision for a world where there is literally no music other than our music. Our music as it has been prophesied. With it’s gratuitous aural filth funneled through the viscous slop tunnel of our hideous, fleshy sound fissures, shredding skin from bone as our hypersonic speaker trucks blaze through city streets in noisy excess in a desolate, post-human landscape, proselytizing only to corpses in the sun baked, rotted sub-strata of our new reality: Perdition.
As a bonus: our most ambitious ‘earners’ (see: spenders) will receive a trophy for their crucial role in elevating the spirit of this new paradigm by ushering in a quarter full of RECORD sales, and spreading the good word of PUPTHEBAND Inc.
So congratulations on choosing success and prosperity for yourself. And remember, it’s not an MLM if YOU don’t believe it is. Unless you think MLM simply means ‘Marketing Leads (to) Money’. In which case, it’s totally an MLM.